The Impact of Financial Issues

Once again I find myself wondering, thinking and trying to come up with an answer to my financial issues. The fear over the cost that is required to help me feel better. This fear almost overshadows any type of rational thinking I might have left in me. The cost is real and I am stuck with this unyielding pain and feel drained with fatigue. Sure my doctor gives me a discount and some samples…it is not enough. Sometimes I just do not go to the doctor because I do not have the money , even at a discounted price. What is the answer? My husband is disabled and has a number of medical issues. I need him, and his medical care should come first along with my son. At this moment they are the ones cleaning, cooking and trying to help me. I am of no use. I know, I know my comments on staying focused on the positive….I must practice what I preach. The fact is, all I do is fold towels and underwear while in bed. I have changed my standards on how my home should remain nice and clean at all times. I realize they cannot do the same job I used to do. I finally let go of this issue. My medical issues do not cause death. I have to prioritize medical problems and decide who has the bigger problem. It is sad when we have to decide who should continue seeing a doctor, which medication to fill? Here I go again, I have lost the point of this entry for my book. Lets try this again.

Some of us continue to seek medical attention, others just try utilizing the limited resources available and any education gained in the process of seeking helpful tools. This is why I am writing about my journey with CFIDS/FMS. Maybe someday I can publish a book and start a fund for people like myself. There are so many of us, perhaps I can help those with no resources. My dream…..seems so far away.

We are not always able to take advantage of effective therapy because of the cost and time it takes away from our jobs or family. Some of us end up loosing our jobs, getting fired or just quit. It is not easy. Some of us are stubborn and look for another job just to end up failing. This causes undue stress which may trigger a flare-up. The bottom line is we all require some type of ongoing medical attention and it is not free. Money is required. I try to take advantage of clinical trials and studies to gain access to free therapy and assist in further research. Some studies are evaluating possible new treatments, and are trying to address insurance and disability issues.

Have you been a victim of making too much money? I have tried applying for help and have been told I make too much money. So why can’t I pay my bills? Our medical expenses are high and unpredictable. It is time consuming trying to find resources and I am fatigue.

There are ways to cut down on current bills, but how do we cut down on medical bills? It is impossible. Well, not true. We could stop our medications and stop seeing our doctors. What good would that do? We end up back in bed, in pain, fatigued and overwhelmed. So what do we do? Keep on trucking baby, you got to keep on trucking……I just remembered that song. LOL. Music helps me deal with my emotions. Does it help you? Try it, oh just do it. It seems stopping to sing helped me a little. No silly, it did not pay my bills! It helped me feel better, happier. Sharing my thoughts is also helping.

I try to focus on the good to help ease my pain. Some days are harder than others, why? Minimizing my stress is difficult given our financial situation. I do take time away from those bills, but they are still there. Once I stayed away from opening mail and ended up with no water. Oh dear, I forgot to pay the water bill. Guess what? I paid dearly. I had to take a day or two to open mail and check the status of our utility bills. Since my husband has a head injury, he cannot take over the budget. His concentration level is not good but he is able to move around more than I can. This means I handle the budget, fold towels and underwear. Wow....I can do some things. Let me give myself a little pat on the back. There now, that feels good. I know I seem weird and crazy...I’ve always been this way. Stay focused.....keep writing....yes I talk to myself a lot. Smile, smile, smile:)

Doctors say “You must minimize stress and work on optimizing your support system.” Oh yeah? Where can I find the financial support system I need? That would sure help my stress level. I do not want to burden my family and ask for money. That is not the answer. It is unacceptable and I refuse.

What is the lesson I have yet to learn? I have no social life and I limit the use of our car. What else is there? Financial people always say…pay yourself first. Sure. If I pay myself first, I end up using the money for emergencies.

Seems I do not have the financial answer yet. Sorry. Tomorrow is another day, let’s wait and see what happens. Maybe I can spend a dollar on a lottery ticket and win?

Hang in there! I know my post is not going to help anyone today. In fact, it was hard to stay focused on what I wanted to write about! Seems nothing I wrote was helpful:(

I do pray we all have a day without pain and fatigue.


FYI - I am not posting my book in the order I want it presented. I know it needs work and editing. I just thought I would share some of the materials within it. Plus there were periods of time I did not even write due to my illness. This is going to be harder than I thought


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