Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Past Two Days

Hello Everyone,

The past two days have been tough. The weather changed again and it is cooler outside. Rain is not my friend, it is my lawns friend, but not mine. It is not very cool, but any cool weather does not agree with my body. It has been difficult to get up and get going. I had to go pick up a script of medication to help me stay alert. Since I am unable to afford the Concerta ER I am taking Methylin 10MG. I take two in the morning with my pain medication to help me wake up. I am pretty useless without it. I am to take two more in the afternoon to keep me awake. However, my memory is not as good as it used to be, so I forget and later realize why I am not alert. I know it sounds crazy, but that is what my life is like.

The Methylin is not doing the job and I am looking forward to January 2010 when my new deductible on medication starts and I have not met my donut hole. Does anyone know what I am talking about when I mention donut hole? Your Medicare Part D prescription covers only so much of the medication and once you have met that limit, you have to pay a higher price. Thank goodness, my pain medication and this new medication only cost $16.00 because they are generic. Starting in January I pay $70.00 for Concerta versus over $200.00 a month. My doctor will not prescribe Adderall or anything like it that comes in generic form. Darn. Oh well, I am adjusting to the new medications.

I am experiencing Fibro Fog and caught myself unable to remember words. It is so frustrating when you forget simple things. I also slur my words on occasion and I do not even notice it. When I am speaking, it sounds clear to me however, my family will let me know they cannot understand me. This morning I was trying to use the word taking and said smaking. Sadly enough I knew I was doing it. I will not allow my family to let me talk on the telephone or do anything of importance for at least a couple of hours after I wake up. Why? The reason is I cannot even recall my conversations with people. I have asked my family not to ask me anything of importance until I am more alert. Please do not feel sorry for me, just pray I am not taken advantage of! Just kidding, I know my family would not take advantage of my inability to remember important conversations. What worries me is when someone calls and insist upon speaking to me. That has happened in the past, but I put a stop to that.

I believe my journey in life is a bit comical and leaves a lot of room for humor. I guess what I am trying to tell those of you that suffer from Fibro Fog, do not let this get you down. Perhaps we are even forgetting some of our pain in the process. I believe the journey we are experiencing makes us stronger. If we figure out our shortcomings, we can find ways around them, which in a way encourages us to keep our mental health in check. This is why it is so important to keep a journal. Trust me, I have gone back to read some of my old journals and do not even remember some of my most painful experiences. Things happen for a reason and it is our job to make the best of what is happening or change.

My tip is do not be hard on yourself, so what if you do not remember, and write down what you think you have to remember. That is if you can remember what you wanted to write down! Just a joke, keep your sense of humor. I hope this post is not confusing. If so, my apologies.

My thoughts are with all of you and I pray and hope you had a pain and fatigue free day.



Jo said...

I have some hilarious word substitutions sometimes, like 'fridge' instead of 'handbag'. It's a sign you are very fatigued. (Ya think!). I may be teaching my Grandmother how to suck eggs here, but you are resting regularly? Not just lying down, but being horizontal, no interruptions, low light and a meditation tape or quiet music for half and hour four times a day? It's a great battery recharger. You probably know this anyway.

CFS really sucks. Like you, I suffer more in the colder and damper weather.

Wishing you a better day.

Donald Swarbrick said...

You are a brave lassie, it shows a strong character to make light of such a restricting illness.

Fibro Viv said...

Hello Donald!

Thanks for the compliment. You know I used to be a Project Manager for an IT company (8 yrs) and a Departmental Manager for an Insurance Company (11+ years). If I could motivate people even during layoffs, I should be able to motivate myself.

My staff members were always willing to go the extra mile because they knew I would go the extra mile for them. It is all about encouragement, compassion, and devotion.

Thank you!

Fibro Viv said...

Hello Jo!

I said a special prayer for you to find the perfect house.

Thanks for reminding me to take more time to meditate. I need to write down a plan of action so I will follow it. I tend to get involved in what I am doing and forget to take care of myself.

God Bless!

Jo said...

Thank you for the prayer. All the best.

theBluesman said...

you're really one tough person, you make it appear so easy on what you're going through

Fibro Viv said...

Hello theBluesman,

Thanks for thinking I am tough, but I am not. I have so much to do and sometimes truly do not want to even try. This week has been tough and I am working on getting motivated to complete laundry. Fun stuff, you know.